Crazy right? Yeah, I think so too. But at times more that I'm crazy for doing this, being here. I was always the girl that was afraid to take any risks. I didn't go on any crazy roller coasters until I was in high school, never did any crazy dares, never skydived, para-sailed, bungee jumped, or cliff dived. I've always been held back by excuses, (I'm terrified of heights) when it came to doing crazy things physically, and the same (I have social anxiety) when it came to doing anything socially.
Yeah, that kind of had to change. Quick.
I think it was in the airport in CT that I made the decision to clench my teeth and not look back, because honestly, I didn't have a choice. I said goodbye to my husband, found a secluded seat and allowed myself 5 minutes of hysterics. Then I got up, and walked on that plane without a backward glance.
Now I'm not going to say I didn't panic at that point. I don't particularly like any mode of transport as I tend to get sick on all of it, and this was the first time I had ever taken a plane on my own, so I had a few moments of "Why in the heck am I on this plane right now?" Then when I astonishingly saw that the airport didn't accommodate my fear of people my panic rose slightly. "I have to sit *next* to someone? That I don't *know*?" Yeah, you guys are probably thinking, "This girl is in south america right now?" I'm kind of thinking that too.
Needless to say, the woman with purple hair off to Jamaica didn't bite me, and I made it to Miami safe and sound. At this point, I felt like things were more set in stone. Like, I panicked at the airport in Hartford because it's really not that far away from my house, so there was the idea that I could turn back, but once I made it to the southernmost part of the US, my anxiety melted away and was replaced by the new idea that I was now, only and completely, responsible for me.
I kept that attitude as I flew into the airport in Quito, went through customs, and met the young man that was to take me to my new home. At this point, I had been up for over 24 hours, and my Spanish was absolute garbage, but I was able to understand enough to find out that this guy wasn't actually my host dad, but his cousin.
Ok. Cool. So I have 2 choices, walk in the dark along the Pan American highway or trust that this guy is who he says he is and get in the car.
I got in the car, and he turned out to be an extremely pleasant young man, which is something I'm seeing of most of the people in general around here.
So, long story short, that's how I ended up in this crazy concrete jungle. I'm here in a very lovely little apartment, about a half a mile away from the bus that takes me to school every week day, and have to say that I am so incredibly thankful that God watches His children every moment of everyday. Because I'm pretty sure if He forgot me, even for a day, I'd get hit by a bus here.
This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, but also one of the most rewarding. I have never felt more afraid and empowered, independent and reliant as I have felt these past 7 days. I have seen that sometimes God puts you into situations that strips everything you hold most dear from you, so you can truly see who you really are as an individual and through the eyes of Christ. I have seen the difficulty of my dream job, (Medical interpretation) and have had my doubts, and then had those dreams strengthened. Everything I know, smell, eat, hear and feel is completely and totally different, which leaves me with the realization that I am very small, but could perhaps one day become someone great. Everything is intensified, and I absolutely love it.
<3MS
